It’s Okay to Cry
It’s been a rough week being a mom. Track season is dwindling, which means it’s serious business, especially when you have a daughter whose dream is to run at the collegiate level. Yes, she’s a junior, but that doesn’t mean a thing as far as times go. In fact, if anything, it makes it even more important because she can see her time and how she has progressed since freshman year when she competed at State. This year she found her long distance times to be lacking with no improvement, so her coach opted to point her in a different direction: middle distance running. I admit that I thought the change was needed, but I had no idea how hard it would be on my daughter. She’s been running for fun since seventh grade when I would see her out in our pastures that were infested with bugs and noxious ticks inherent to the Midwest, so I thought this would not be a tough adjustment. Boy, was I wrong. Running is not all the same. Different events require a different strategy, a different mindset, and even a different type of conditioning. Being a cross country coach, I understood this, but because I wasn’t a runner myself, I don’t think I realized what an emotional toll it would have on my brave teen.
While at the track meet where she would not be running her typical long distance race, she burst into tears after running one of her new events and not doing as well as she could have time-wise. I wasn’t worried about her time because I knew it was an adjustment, but what was new was how much importance she put into her self-image for being a fast runner. She saw switching events as a failure not an option to be a more versatile athlete. In her mind, she was a certain way and was known for certain things, so by not competing in those events anymore she lost a piece of herself. I didn’t quite understand this at first until I applied it to my own life.
Don’t we all see ourselves a certain way, especially with our careers? Take myself. I have been teaching for 18 years and even though I didn’t think I would ever stay in this field this long I do see myself as a teacher as part of my identity. Now that I have branched out to the field of real estate and now writing, my self image has changed and it takes some getting used to. Why would it be any different for her? She doesn’t have a set career yet; she is a student athlete and has developed the reputation as a long distance runner. She’s one of the main reasons why I opted to coach our school’s cross country team. Now that she is veering away from that during track season, it’s the same as my writing this blog post and publishing my novel. Do I still want to be known as a high school teacher? No, I’m much than that. I am a forty-something woman striving to find herself and pursue my dreams, even if that means reinventing myself and my career choices along the way. There’s nothing wrong with that so why would it be any different for an almost 17-year-old girl?
I was proud of her for having the emotional maturity to realize that finding new parts of yourself and reinventing yourself is not easy. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to have an emotional response. And it’s okay for it to take time of that new identity to sink in. Now she seems to have embraced her new running distance and will continue to excel in that area, just as she did with her previous one. That I have no doubt.
Beautiful inside and out as my daughter learns that it’s okay to reinvent yourself.
