Finding Your Sunshine
I wrestled with what to write for this week. I’m always trying to glean knowledge from my students, but this week it felt as if we were all struggling to keep our heads above water. I blame the weather and the long, dark days of winter. It’s tough when you live in the mountains where it gets dark early and we haven’t had much snow. Snow has always seemed magical to me. Probably, since I didn’t have much of it growing up in the South. But this week it’s been a struggle to smile, to be positive, and to find my joy, so that’s what this blog is about: What to do when you’ve lost your sunshine.
Normally, I would tell you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and knock yourself out of it, but it’s not that easy, especially when there are so many outside forces affecting your mental state. When there are others around you who are mentally draining you, or even worse, making you question your self-worth. What do you do then? You don’t have energy for anything. All you want to do is crawl under the covers and never come out. You might say that doing that is a form of denial or escapism, but after talking about this with a trusted colleague, her perception was quite different. When you veg out on the couch or in bed, it’s the one place you can control when the rest of your world is spinning out of control. Nothing else in your world is within your grasp, but at least you can control that contained space. When she put it in those terms for me, it made sense. I didn’t feel the guilt attributed to my naps or the time I needed to watch my favorite shows without my husband or daughter there. It’s nice to have the quiet. No phone, no person asking questions, nobody there to judge. Just me and the couch or me in my bed. Everything is under control. I’m not under someone’s scrutiny. I’m not being judged and found lacking. I am able to just be and this gives me comfort. I would say that’s the first step. Allow yourself to rest without any judgement.
The next step is harder, but it is necessary. You need to access your creativity again. It’s essential to release your own inner sunshine. The problem is you normally are so depleted that you don’t feel like doing anything. This is when you do have to just do it. Motivation does not come to us. We have to have action first, and then motivation follows, or at least that’s what my favorite pod cast host Mel Robbins says, and since I practice this, I know she’s right. Sit down and do something you enjoy. Maybe you paint. Maybe you color. Maybe you write. How do you think I started this blog? I knew I needed to write, but the idea of starting a novel, even though I had written one before, is still a daunting feat, so I started small by just jotting down my thoughts like this. You will find that the longer you allow yourself to do your creative activity, the better you will feel. It may not happen immediately, but eventually your joy will return.
My colleague gave me another piece of advice that I would like to share with you. When you are feeling unsure of yourself, put up “guard rails” when you begin thinking negative thoughts. We are our harshest critics. I know the topics I need to avoid. When I begin thinking about those taboo subjects, I find that my heart rate quickens, my heart races and I am immediately flooded with negativity. She suggested that when I begin to feel myself spiraling toward those dark thoughts, replace them with happy memories or “guard rails” to help keep me on my positive road. I can say this is much easier said than done. My thoughts tend to go off the rails rather easily, but the brain is the most powerful muscle in the human body for a reason. I do like the image of guard rails though. It helps me guide myself down the road in a helpful manner when I start to veer off the side of the cliff. I know that’s when I need to replace my harmful thoughts with a positive memory. Perhaps you do this while you’re driving to work when you get to a certain visual marker, so that every day when you pass that particular place you remember that memory. This will give you a much-needed release of dopamine and help you find your joy. I will say it helps if you already have the places and memories picked out before you get in your vehicle. However you do it, the most important part is that you find peace and joy within yourself. One other suggestion to help with this type of mindfulness is to read, but with intention. When you have toxic thoughts, you need to replace them with beautiful words instead, according to acclaimed author and professor Ocean Vuong. When you feel yourself falling down into the dark hole of despair, reach for your favorite poem or book and write down those phrases that make you happy. Maybe you even listen to a song, but write down those words into your phone or screenshot them so they become an image for your mind. Rewire your brain to those phrases instead of the toxicity you were feeding yourself.
You cannot allow someone or something to take your sunshine away. Winter isn’t over yet, and even though we may all have our mini sunshines tucked away, it’s time we found them and released them for all to see. I hope you find time to allow yours to shine today.
