Just Be You!

This will be my last blog for a bit and I think the message could be for any of my readers, adults and teenagers alike. It’s something I learned just recently while attending a concert with my daughter and her friend and friend’s family.

Many times, especially with my generation, we have been taught to take care of everyone else at the expense of ourself and our own identity. We believe we are here to make everyone else happy and part of that is also to have everyone like you. I know I have experienced that as a teacher. We can say that it’s our way or no way, but I have to admit, it’s nice to have students actually smile when they see you versus adverting their eyes and grumbling under their breath when you speak to them. It’s an ego boost to be the teacher that kids actually don’t gossip about but look forward to being in your class. I was that teacher once and then reality hit and I realized that it wasn’t always the case. You are not always going to be liked and not everyone is going to understand your intentions due to their own personal prejudices. That’s not what this blog is about though. It’s about being who you are and accepting that person no matter if you are liked or not.

I saw that firsthand through my daughter’s eyes. For once, I didn’t try to make friends with these unknown women who went to the concert with us. I wasn’t rude, at least I wasn’t intentionally trying to be, but I also wasn’t trying to make sure they had a good time. I was there to have fun myself. As I sat there people watching before the concert began, I didn’t feel the urge to make conversation or try to find some sort of common ground for us to chat about. I simply was there. I soaked in my surroundings, feeling comfortable in my own skin. And let me tell you for a woman who is approaching fifty in a rapid fashion, whose hormones are wreaking havoc on her used to be thinner frame, that’s saying multitudes. Normally, I am comparing myself to everyone I see and coming up short every time. I didn’t do that though. I got up and danced because I wanted to, not because I wanted to fit in because believe me I don’t dance well, but because I wanted to have fun and I realized I didn’t need someone’s permission to do this, especially when I barely know them. But the real moment of clarity came when my daughter proudly told her friends that she felt confident about dancing and singing at a concert because of her outgoing mother. I was surprised by that. I guess I didn’t realize that she had been paying attention. There have been many times where she wasn’t proud of me. You know those awkward early teen years and even mid-teen times when everything you do is “embarrassing and dumb.” We’ve all been there as parents, but there have been very few moments when she compared herself to me and gave me that stamp of approval for my ability to just be myself. That simple compliment made me realize that she recognized when I was being my authentic self and it wasn’t embarrassing or dumb for once. It empowered here to be her best self too.

So here is my message for all of you: Be who you are unequivocally, sincerely, and without regret. You don’t always have to be the model parent or role model. I have found that in the moments when I have allowed myself to be human in front of my daughter that we have shared the most growth of our relationship. She needs to see me as an everyday person with issues, not super mom who has it all together. It’s okay to allow others to see who you are underneath the mask. You don’t need their approval or acceptance. You have your own and that is all that matters. By being the truest version of yourself, you are giving your loved ones the most important advice of all. No matter your age, be you because you are special and unique and the only one who needs to accept that is staring back at you in the mirror and that person deserves your love.