When Being Nice is “Weird”

I know I said I was taking a bit of a hiatus from blog writing to work on my novel but with the beginning of school already here and after a recent incident involving my daughter, I felt that I needed to make my voice heard a little louder than usual.

Normally when writing, I normally try to take a somewhat Switzerland type of stance, looking at both sides and trying to always be diplomatic, as I have to as an educator, but this time I’m not going to do that. This time I am going full Mom-mode, pretty much Mama Bear mode, you could say, and for good reason. Here’s the context: My daughter was talking to someone who was not looking out for her but she was unable to see that yet. This young man kept saying that “everyone he knew at his school” and “people at her school” (which were actually just a couple of underclassmen) thought she was “weird.” He didn’t follow this up with a comment about how being weird was cool or how he didn’t care. Instead, he said that this type of weird was that she was outgoing and talked to people and how she was nice to others. This type of behavior was apparently weird to people he apparently considered “cool” and valued their opinions. This type  “weird” was bad and very negative. When I heard this, my immediate reaction was to laugh. How absolute ludicrous! Seriously? To be nice is to be weird? What type of warped society are these kids living in and why would she even entertain the idea of thinking this boy could possibly be worth her time? Then I looked at her face and saw her tears. It genuinely upset her. She could not understand why these people and this person who she thought cared about her were attacking the part of her that ultimately made her stand out from many of her classmates. She’s known for her smile and her friendliness. I realized that given her history of always feeling left out and feeling insecure about herself and despite not appearing to being that little girl now, she had not left those feelings of not fitting in behind. They were still there, just buried deep enough that these hateful people could sense and attack her with their own sharp barbs to make their own selves feel better, not thinking of who they hurt in the process.

Here’s the thing. I realize they are kids, but they are also young adults, emphasis on the adult part, and we are supposed to be modeling behaviors for them to be kind adults and decent human beings. I don’t know that this is what is happening. These so-called kids are being given a pass to judge others because they are teenagers and “kids” so what they say doesn’t matter, but it does. Their words do have meaning and their intent is clear, and I, frankly, do not care if they have tough childhoods or haven’t had picture-perfect lives. We all have to take responsibility for our actions and choices at some point, so what age does that occur? Is it 18? Is it 25? Or is it when we are aware that the words coming out of our mouths are hurtful and we should not be saying them to someone else due to our intent? No matter how put together that person is that we are attacking, no one deserves to be put down for being a nice person. My daughter did not deserve to be labeled “weird” because the norm is to be mean. Perhaps we should all think before we speak and also think about the example we are putting forth for our own children because, believe me, they are watching our every move. Let’s make being nice the new “weird.”