Lift Each Other Up with Love
A bride and groom whose love was felt by all.
My apologies for missing a week, but sometimes that happens when you’re busy living life and not sitting down to write about it. And I have learned so much in just two weeks. What I learned wasn’t anything new but was something that I’ve always wanted to witness. Kind of like everyone wishes for world peace, but we don’t know what that actually would look like in reality, despite it being a nice dream. This was something I witnessed and have had the good fortune to continue witnessing, so now I know it’s real and not just some idyllic notion.
It’s wedding season and despite my saying that I would not take any more wedding pictures, guess who booked five weddings this summer? Me! Now I’ve been covering weddings for the past 17 years so this isn’t a new venture for me, but it can be a fairly stressful one for all parties involved, not only the bride, despite what some may think. Hence the reason why many photographers abhor weddings and steer clear of the crazy expectations and pressure. So imagine my surprise when a bride calls me and says that she proposed to her boyfriend of eight years and wants to have a small gathering and I can choose the day. What? This can’t be real, right? Then while at her consultation, she tells me that she’s having the bachelorette party the afternoon before and it’s to be a tea party. A bachelorette party without male appendages displayed prominently? Is that a real thing? It was such an intriguing idea I asked if I could cover it as part of her wedding package. She agreed and I attended my very first bachelorette tea party.
I know you’re thinking that’s a lot of back story. For what reason? I have found women as a whole to be fairly judgmental, even if situations where they are supposedly happy for their friend as one would be for a bride. Are they really? Not usually. They critique, they scrutinize, and they talk. Surely, that would be the case with this female-dominated party, right? Wrong. I could not have been more surprised to see that with the arrival of each guest wearing their cutest dress and fancy hat. Some donning pants versus a skirt or bringing a darling purse dog, no one judged anyone. There was no talking behind anyone’s back. They all openly embraced each other and their uniqueness. As each guest arrived, there was fanfare, exuberant hugs, and enthusiastic greetings so that everyone felt like she was the maid of honor, “the bride.” There were no sidelong looks or eye rolling. There was joy instead, absolute unbridled joy. I have always felt judged when I walked into a room or an event. It’s as if you can feel the cold judgment as their gazes slide over you. Not at this party. Every woman there praised each other with genuine sincerity. Each was praised for feeling good in their own skin. What a great feeling, one that I know I haven’t felt in quite a while but in this place at this time I felt it. I knew I had to get to know these women because they made me feel seen and loved, not judged. We are here to build each other up, not compete with each other. I have always believed that and yet, that is not what normally happens. We tear each other down, whether publicly or privately, forgetting that we only have each other for support, for someone who truly understands the trials and challenges of being female. These women held each other up and I am forever thankful to be part of such a beautiful gathering.
I’ve probably covered somewhere between 60 and 100 weddings, maybe more, but after a while it all runs together, which leads me to my second epiphany. Not all weddings allow the audience to truly feel the couple’s love. Yes, they may make a pretty couple, and yes, the cake was delicious, but very rarely do I feel moved by a ceremony. I’m there to capture an event and many times I feel as if I am documenting history versus witnessing a love to conquer all. I was proven wrong with that as well with the same couple as the event discussed above. These two were not twenty-somethings who fell in love in high school or college. They met a bit later in life and knew without a doubt they were meant to be. From the moment the bride began her long walk toward the groom and their loved ones, we could all see their love as their eyes met across the lawn. She even stopped for a moment to cry, and I couldn’t help but cry with her. Seeing how they looked at each other, made me relive my own love for my husband of 19 years. For some reason, I could not wait to get home and hug him, to show him that he was mine and I loved him just as much now as I did when I was thinner, younger, blonder. I think that’s why love is such a powerful force. It can make others feel and do something that nothing else can do for no other reason than because you feel this insatiable, unrelenting need. That is the powerful force of love and why it will always conquer all.
